Somebody...

    Adventure, a word I always refer to when trying a new restaurant.  A perfect synthesis of culinary vision, service, and atmosphere is tough to find in a city with a myriad of dining choices.  New Yorkers know that Saturday's are synonymous with brunch and a cure for the previous nights festivities.

    So, as I made my way through NoLita searching for that perfect place to eat brunch with a friend, we decided to forgo a trusty standby in favor for Barmarche.  It was voted Best of Citysearch's 2006 for brunch and late night dining.  I guess a lot can change over 2 years because after leaving this place I felt like it belonged in New York Magazine's Openings and Closings... Filed under the latter.

    We were promptly seated at a small table next to the window.  I was a bit fond of the birch tree trunks running from the floor to windows and the gold trimmed mirrors.  After looking over the menu I settled on Monterrey Eggs (I guess they thought they were too fancy to call them Huevos Rancheros) and my friend chose the standard Eggs Benedict.  That is when the flaws of this place started to expose themselves.

    The atmosphere was awkward.  There was a strange aura in the place and it wasn't a good feeling.  It was like the NoHo Star which I feel is equally uncomfortable. Except the Star is noisier which makes it slightly more bearable.   At one point I was so thrown off by the forced behavior of the other patrons that I told my friend I was going to look for a Village Voice bin outside.  Hey, we all act on a stage there is no reason to make it obvious.  Escape sadly was my only way out, I left her to fend for herself in the ring. 

   I walked around for ten minutes around and couldn't find a fucking bin for the VV.  What is wrong with this neighborhood?  I returned empty handed and found out that our order was just placed.  It took long enough... 

   We received our food, mine was mediocre at best my friends Benedict wasn't cooked properly and there were egg shells in it.   The waiter also interpreted a request for mayo as a request for milk.  Milk for what? We didn't order coffee.  They also never fulfilled our request for ketchup.  We looked at each other and it was at that point we decided we needed to get out of this place as soon as possible.

    This review doesn't deserve any further attention.   The food was average and overpriced (really overpriced).  The atmosphere was terrible.  An assorted mix of people from a recycling bin in the Hamptons who all pretend to be something they aren't.  Their solstice from a long work week is brunch at Barmache and shopping in SoHo.  I won't be caught dead here again. A culinary adventure at the corner of spring and Elizabeth turned into a nightmare... Like the 4th Indiana Jones.  Barmarche is not worthy of its location among far better eateries.