Somebody...

Heard in SoHo Bloomingdales shoe section. "If I were rich I would come here everyday". Find a new dream lady.  I was infuriated by the statement for some reason.  The way she said it was what really ate at me.  She meant it. I've heard statements prefaced with, "If I were rich..." before but never felt so offended.  I had to get out of that store.

    Is this what people really want? Money... Ugh. Disgusted.  Maybe it was the meal I just ate or maybe I was my regret for suggesting to go to a place I detest so much, whatever the case I felt like finding the most expensive shoe in the store and puking on/in it.

No

    "Who are you texting?"

    Um... Do I know you? Is that any of your business? I met an old friend last night to talk over a couple of beers at Puck Fair.   At some point during our conversation a cougar leaned over and asked me who I was communicating with.  What a way to start a conversation.  From that point on I knew what her objective was for the evening, she had her target and she pounced on it.  I refused to be ravaged.  I must admit I've never been hit on by an older woman, I'm guessing this one was in her early 40's judging by her skin complexion. 

    I was entertained for a little bit.  She tossed out statements that I thought were reserved for junior high school dances such as, "I like your hat!"  Really?  You really like my hat?  I was laughing to myself and neither of us were drunk.  I decided to take the situation to the next level in order to give her hope that she might be having a crazy New York City evening.  I launched a series of questions... Her and her friend (side note... friend was hotter) are doing contract work for advertising company for 6 months in city.  They live in Chelsea, 28th and 10th avenue to be exact.  A follow up question probably would have yielded building and apartment numbers as well as the name of the doorman. 

    She asked if I wanted to go dancing and she asked me where some good places were.  Completely apathetic and bored at this point I just shot off a couple places around the area trying to shake her off my back.  Sensing my waning interest in her situation she pulled out the  guns, her leg started rubbing against mine, "Or we could all go back to my place?"  YES! Thank you for making it interesting... I thought to myself, alright this lady wants something from me that I have no intent in sharing maybe I shouldn't be so cruel.  I slowly phased her out over the next five minutes...

   I left with my friend and patted her on the back on the way out, it was one of those maybe next time pats on the back, but she already had her claws sunk into some other fellow (who seemed genuinely interested in solidifying the fact he is a complete dirt bag).  Looks like you have a winner.