Huqleberry Redux

… A WINE COOLER.

Per the Waldbuam’s x Far Rockaway x  mothers still drink them on hot summer afternoons while waiting for a phone call from their children.  It matters little.

You’re in a frozen yogurt eatery babyyyyyyyyyyyy.

You’re putting some fresh fruit on your yogurt.

Strawberries, blueberries,blackberries, huqleberries.

You’re sprinkling crushed up candy bars on your yogurt.

Reese’s, M&MS, Twix, Butterfinger.

You’re putting some cereal on your yogurt.

Captain Crunch, Lucky Charms, Cheerios, Wheaties

You’re at Pinkberry, Red Mango, 16 Handles,  Berrywild.

Time to fucking dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

That is the projected global population for the year 2010.  Scary isn’t it? Via CNN

Too bad Angelina Jolie’s tits can’t all of us.

On a positive note this guy seems to have all the answers. Just buy his instructional video!

A follow up to this post.

A feeler email.  I can say, with a degree of certainty, that this is one of five templates this kid has.  I’m amused by the use of exclamation points.

As for me, I’m currently a college senior here in New York City. I’m majoring in Political Science and Finance at CUNY Hunter.

I’m looking to attend graduate school (maybe an MBA, maybe law school) next year–as you full well know, not an inexpensive endeavor. Actually, it’s outrageously pricey. So I’m working hard and hoping to raise enough money to enroll as soon as possible.

To accomplish this, I market a line of Fine Cutlery called Cutco. The products are handmade in Upstate New York. They’re on display at MOMA for their design excellence–including a naturally heating Ice Cream Scoop and Soft Cheese Slicer–and even used on the Food Network. Ronald Reagan even had them on his ranch!

We carry Basic and Specialty Kitchen Knives, Fun Kitchen Gadgets,Serving Pieces, Cheese Board Sets, Griddles, Woks, Gourmet Fry Pans. We even have Gardening Tools, Barbecue Equipment, Golfing Gear, and even ‘Just Because” Decorative Kitchen Items.

Popular with Real Estate professionals is the business gifts, which are engraved and gift wrapped for free.

In addition to ’shooting the shit’ about traveling and learning about your business, I’d love to give you an easy, fun demo of Cutco’s new products. When I have meetings with other professionals, I find it useful to show them some of the items–they’re hard to appreciate without holding and experiencing them, and perhaps even slicing a crusty baguette. It’ll be fun to get your feedback on the products, and I think you’ll find it to be a useful line to keep in mind for gifts, referrals, and so forth.

There’s absolutely ZERO obligation to make a purchase. I’d like to get to know you a tad better, cultivate a working relationship, and tell you of some of Cutco’s pieces. It’s fun–I promise, it really is!–to show it to people regardless of whether they are personally interested.

Just a fun chat. And I think that getting to know one another will prove to be productive.

I would love to meet you this weekend or sometime next week. Do let me know what a good day would be!

Death is dealt with bullets and stab wounds.  Babies are conceived by rape.  Lifeless kids are found in the trunks of cars.  Although it’s the headquarters for Campbell’s Soup, Camden doesn’t taste good.

Last summer I passed through the little town for a Stone Temple Pilots concert and my observations solidified the prevailing wisdom that it is a dangerous city.  Camden, New Jersey is the model DYSTOPIA.

After reading that a man died after falling into a vat of chocolate there, I thought to myself… What a lucky guy. Via CNN

An employee at a New Jersey chocolate processing plant died Wednesday after falling into a vat of hot chocolate, according to a spokesman for the Camden County Prosecutor’s office.Vincent Smith II, 29, was dumping raw chocolate into the vat for melting when he fell in from a nine-foot high platform. He suffered a fatal blow to the head from the vat’s agitator, a paddle-like mechanism used for stirring the chocolate.

According to the Camden County prosecutor’s office, three other people were on the platform at the time. One was able to shut the machinery off quickly, but it was too late to save Smith.

The facility, owned by Cocoa Services Inc., is managed and operated by by Lyons and Sons.

The rectangular vat, which was 8 feet deep, 14 feet long and 6 feet wide, was churning a batch of chocolate for Hershey’s when the accident occurred, the prosecutor’s office said.

I went to the annual Smith Street Bastille Day celebration on Sunday.  I immediately started to drink. The streets were a beehive of activity, gridlock abound.  It certainly was more crowded than last year.

As I was baking in the sun I wondered if I would ever play petanque at a semi-pro capacity.  Maybe next year…

THE Coolest Motherfuckers on Smith Street:

Thumbnails are crap.  Click for full image.

I started the day off early and I’m happy to observe it is only 2:20 pm.  I woke up and immediately started to write, pen to paper my friend.

Time stopped briefly while I prepared myself lunch.

How inspired!  When cooking for myself I usually forgo taste and focus on subsistence.  My token meal is an egg sandwich with hot sauce.  Well today I decided to use the cooking skills that I possess to produce a delicious, BOMB ASS some might say, lunch.

Sauteed butter and garlic shrimp along with cous-cous.  Flavorful indeed.  Especially the cous-cous with fresh tomatoes, coriander, chili powder, and chaat masala.

All of this magic was taking place in the kitchen while Charlie Parker played his saxophone on the vinyl magic machine.  To be alone… How lovely it can be.

I have nothing to complain about.  The sun is shining and I’m surprised that I’m writing because usually I feed off of quiet suffering to produce work that I’m satisfied with.  ‘Tis not the case today.  I only wish there was an (clean) ocean to jump into outside of my window.  Pacific maybe.  Central American Pacific… Fuck yeah.

Now I know why I felt a bit queazy after dinner last night considering everything was cooked on a ‘Barbeue Grill.’ How many other typos can you find?