Huqleberry

The last realistic solution to stop this wretched oil leak is to enlist the help of this man:

Mildly entertaining.  Mildly.

Police say guilt was written all over their faces.Police received a call Friday night that two men with hooded sweatshirts and painted faces had tried to break into a man’s home in Carroll, Iowa.

When police stopped a vehicle matching the caller’s description blocks away, they were stunned by the men’s disguises.

There were no ski masks or stockings pulled over their heads; instead, Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, streaked their faces with permanent black marker.

Yeah, maybe they could have spent another couple minutes on their disguise.  It must have been the meth… Via CNN.

Three men died during the Detroit Marathon on Sunday. What were they running from?  It should also be noted they were running a half marathon.

Meanwhile in Los Angeles, this guy was already dead.

Okay.  A word of advice.  If you buy a Kryptonite lock register the key.  Why you ask?  Well, if one happens to attend a Pat Benatar concert and misplace their keys, Kryptonite will send a new set through the United States Postal Service.

I overlooked the registration process and now feel that love is a battlefield.

How to open a Kryptonite lock sans key?  I can’t do this because I have a chain lock.

Until I find a blowtorch looks like I’ll be riding the subway. Ugh…

Happy birthday to the ground

Yesterday I went to see Buster Balloon at the Half Gallery.  The display was mildly entertaining from the perspective of a 23-year-old but wildly fascinating to the three year old in a stroller next to me.

Among the creations was a miniature Elvis,  ice-cream cone, water faucet, gorilla, and a monkey smoking a cigarette (my favorite).  Now I know why Jeff Koons proclaimed Buster, “The top balloon twister in the world.”

Yeah, Jeff Koons would say that wouldn’t he.

James Frey, half-author and a third of the partnership that comprises the gallery, was moping around outside.

Prior to attending the little exhibition, I was reading on the steps at Houston and Forsyth Street.  A couple sat next to me and to the best of my knowledge they were speaking in Dutch.

I watched them smoke cigarettes, laugh, and embrace each other.  It appeared that nothing could corrupt their moment of bliss.  Nothing.

Peace never lasts.

I noticed a  black Lincoln Navigator (with ‘for sale’ signs) stalking down Houston on the prowl for some tender meat.  It came to a halt in front of the couple and the tinted windows rolled down to revel three degenerates.

A middle aged man with a thick beard, sitting in the back seat, began to accost the girl.

Hey, baby.  Spread your legs a little more.

The girl looked confused.

Yeah, open them up a little more.

She squeezed her legs together out of fear.  The face of her boyfriend was filled with hate.

You better be careful.  Something might sneak up that skirt. Something big.

The perv started to cackle, cackle I say. The car sped off, cheap thrills left behind in the dust.

I listened to the couple and wondered what they were saying about the whole mess.  They seemed to take it lightly because a few minutes later they were back in their own world.  Cackle.

There have been an inordinate amount of updates today because it is 09/09/09 and I’m bored out of my mind.  Boredom has been remedied by headline news from our friends south of the border.

Hijacked! Via CNN.

The hijackers are three Bolivian or Colombian citizens who are demanding to talk with Mexican President Felipe Calderon.  If there polite request isn’t met… BOOM!  Classic scenario.

Is there a Mexican Jack Ryan?

Update: Stand off ends peacefully and 8 people have been arrested.  Via CNN

Resolution: Yawn.

I find it kind of funny and I find it kind of sad.

Was I a random victim or the focal point of a far more sinister plot? I didn’t take a photo but further down on the page this ‘Sh4h1m’ character says he hacks sites for the Free Palestine movement.

Congratulations on hacking a blog that has a fan base equivalent to the number of rings in a Mead trapper keeper.

I laughed out loud for a second before realizing how sad this was.   Via AP.

LOS ANGELES – Software giant Microsoft Corp. is apologizing for altering a photo on its Web site to change the race of one of the people shown in the picture.

A photo on the Seattle-based company’s U.S. Web site shows two men, one Asian and one black, and a white woman seated at a conference room table. But on the Web site of Microsoft’s Polish business unit, the black man’s head has been replaced with that of a white man. The color of his hand remains unchanged.

The photo editing sparked criticism online. Some bloggers said Poland‘s ethnic homogeneity may have played a role in changing the photo.

“We are looking into the details of this situation,” Microsoft spokesperson Lou Gellos said in a statement Tuesday. “We apologize and are in the process of pulling down the image.”

Then I laughed again after listening to this song.

A follow up to this post.

A feeler email.  I can say, with a degree of certainty, that this is one of five email templates this kid has.  I’m amused by the use of exclamation points.

As for me, I’m currently a college senior here in New York City. I’m majoring in Political Science and Finance at CUNY Hunter.

I’m looking to attend graduate school (maybe an MBA, maybe law school) next year–as you full well know, not an inexpensive endeavor. Actually, it’s outrageously pricey. So I’m working hard and hoping to raise enough money to enroll as soon as possible.

To accomplish this, I market a line of Fine Cutlery called Cutco. The products are handmade in Upstate New York. They’re on display at MOMA for their design excellence–including a naturally heating Ice Cream Scoop and Soft Cheese Slicer–and even used on the Food Network. Ronald Reagan even had them on his ranch!

We carry Basic and Specialty Kitchen Knives, Fun Kitchen Gadgets,Serving Pieces, Cheese Board Sets, Griddles, Woks, Gourmet Fry Pans. We even have Gardening Tools, Barbecue Equipment, Golfing Gear, and even ‘Just Because” Decorative Kitchen Items.

Popular with Real Estate professionals is the business gifts, which are engraved and gift wrapped for free.

In addition to ‘shooting the shit’ about traveling and learning about your business, I’d love to give you an easy, fun demo of Cutco’s new products. When I have meetings with other professionals, I find it useful to show them some of the items–they’re hard to appreciate without holding and experiencing them, and perhaps even slicing a crusty baguette. It’ll be fun to get your feedback on the products, and I think you’ll find it to be a useful line to keep in mind for gifts, referrals, and so forth.

There’s absolutely ZERO obligation to make a purchase. I’d like to get to know you a tad better, cultivate a working relationship, and tell you of some of Cutco’s pieces. It’s fun–I promise, it really is!–to show it to people regardless of whether they are personally interested.

Just a fun chat. And I think that getting to know one another will prove to be productive.

I would love to meet you this weekend or sometime next week. Do let me know what a good day would be!